Chinese Lives

A man came up to complain his wife gave up her decent job and stayed home which wasted her Master degree qualification. Her job was at a local government subordinate company, good welfare and average salary, though she may feel bored to do very easy work every single day, plus she was not comfortable to deal with complext relationships between colleagues.

I can see the man loves his wife and tolerate her request for now. Why women have to work? In feudal times, women’s workplace is home; it is only in modern times, a family needs both husband and wife work to run family’s finance. If women stay home, kids can have more attention and care; husband can have clean home, warm dinner after a day’s hard work. A lot of benefits. Maybe less traffic jam, less waste of oil and less carbon footprint, since less women join the morning and evening rush hour.

Frankly, very few Chinese men would let his wives stay home forever. If so, very likely, this woman is poorly treated mentally, for instances, taking blames or fists when husband fails his job; or her family has intrusion from other woman. A lot of families, calculate each member’s economic value, and treat each other accordingly. For instance, if wife earns bigger salary, she makes the rules, and her mother-in-law will try to like her.

Some men who want wives to work, claim work makes women confident, not isolated and confined at home and contribute to family.

Women who have Master’s degree or higher, hope to marry a rich, competent and kind man, so as to stay home and enjoy life. Many responders criticised this though as a failure of our education industry.

Original article from:

http://cache.tianya.cn/publicforum/content/feeling/1/
820995.shtml

This is a story about sterile husband and non-giving-up but disappointed wife.

I was married to him 4 years ago. we had a full health check before we planned for baby, and the result that he was sterile put us in more stress.

My husband was not good at his sex performance. We had sex twice a month, and average time was less than two minutes. He lost job lately, and started balding only aged 30. He was deeply stressed, partly because of sterility, and partly from his family’s great expectation on him. Because he had done great as student, his family expected him to bring in more money.

We were living on my salary, while he was jobless. Even though we were tight on income, I never thought about giving up on him. We saw many doctors and tried numerous prescriptions. After spending 20,000 Yuan on medicine, we had to accept the sentence. Then, my husband sunk into very low spirit. He stopped communication, and we were like strangers living under same roof.

His family were not nice people as mine. They were rough and too practical. Since they knew their son was sterile, my mother-in-law implied to me that they wouldn’t blame me if I got pregnant from outside marriage.

I lived desperate and painful. How I wished my husband could be same caring and close as before. Last month, I suggest devoice. He begged me to change mind at the last minute. But marriage was tasteless to either of us. So why we bother to keep it? I wouldn’t care his sterility if he could just love me as before. I just couldn’t accept that he totally changed.

Opinions from others:

1. Your husband still loved you, but his inability humilated himself, which make him can’t face your marriage. If you are a good woman, I wish you could be happy couples. But sexless marriage is too cruel for anyone.

2. I suggest you give him some time to build up his confidence in life. If your effort is fruitless, then get a new life.

3. The main problems are two: your husband is sterile and he is not competitive in jobs. I think the latter problem matters more, because not all couple are keen on having a baby, but almost every couple care about expense and income.

4. Women are practical and materialistic. They have many excuses to dump poor or unsuccessful men. But aren’t marriage is to support each other for better or worse?

5. You can have only one life, so make your own choice and never regret.