Chinese Lives

I translate this article from a most famous discussion board in China (TianYa), the original articles can be gotten from the following link:
http://cache.tianya.cn/publicforum/content/feeling/1/812851.shtml

“20th August 2007, I am tested pregnant positive, just 2 days before I find the existence of another woman in our relationship. He, my boyfriend and the baby’s biological father, does not say a thing.

We had a wonderful time living together. Last month, I nearly planned to introduce him as a formal marriage partner to parents. And our big day was set in the end of this year. He did not agree or disagree, but told be he was painful and confused inside, because he could marry me only for not breaking my heart.

His words definitely have ripped my heart off. Why he changed? It was him who always dreamed having his own home and kids. I could not think out a reason that stopped him since we were great in relationship. After several days’ questioning, he revealed his secret thinking to me. He told me I was not the one, the ideal one.

I was in bed with him after we knew each other for 30 days, which was considered not ideal, thus not precious enough to go further into marriage. Our relationship was not perfect matching his ethics and dreams. He never could stop his pursuit for true love and perfect family model.

Totally lost in words, I decided to abort the baby, but he did not want to take the blame by suggesting keep it for now. Why should I keep it if he abandoned me and our love? He promised me nothing except swaying between maybe marrying me and maybe break-up. Two months pregnant, I could not keep anything I ate, and felt sick most of the time. He was still struggling with making a choice between his new girl and me. what should I do? Should I keep the baby or abort it? Should I try to save our relationship?

I was in pain, desperate and self-hate. Pls help me if you can show me a way out.”

The majority responders despise the man and suggest the girl abort the baby and start anew. It is useless to beg this man to come back, because he won’t change anyway if he does not love her.

Quite a few responders think that the girl should be blamed, because she fell for him too soon—-in bed with him in 30 days after first met. This kind of girl is too quickly in love, and they don’t know to love themselves by protecting their health and body.

In feudal China, a girl’s virginity is regarded more important than her life. People are influence by virginity value for more than 1700 years. A good family will require their future daughter-in-law to be a virgin, while a man is not required to keep his.

They desire girls to be as brave and independent as girls in the west, while expect them to be as reserved and elegant in manners as in feudalist China. Like the man in the story, he regards his sleeping with the girl as a test on the girl’s virtues. If the girl easily surrenders, he would believe her to be impure. He definitely won’t have an impure girl as wife, and mother of his descendant.

Sadly, quite a few responses blame the girl for her pains, because she is not independent thinking and used to living under the shadow of a man, no matter a good or bad one.